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XXL: The Donny Files

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Earth Will Never Be The Same


   Okay...So there's this thing, yeah?  And this thing, it has these things as well, okai?  And this thing with the things will make all you hardcore german press go "I zoo notz thinkz thiz is very goodz!"

   The credits end, bringing you face to monolithic-face with Cameron's Nose...Just as he's about to sneeze.  And we all know what follows:  Cameron sneezes, and the camera quickly cuts to show the Earth, all points and angles, as the apacolypse begins.  The first image is that of Halo being destroyed, which then cuts to a city being destroyed.  Title waves strike.  Ice bergs collapse and the White House explodes is a shower of interns, presidents and a stack of magnificent porn.  

   And that's when the meteor strikes.

   Now, this meteor chose to strike at a conveniant time; as it grew closer, humanity was pitched in a battle against a killer-bacteria that infected humans and turned them into zombies.  A handful of survivors were able to fend off the zombies, using inate survival skills and an uncanny understanding of Agricultural Science. 

   Anywho, after the meteor hit, it released it's own killer plague, which fought the other bacteria in an unholy germ war.  Earth will never be the same.  And to this, what does the hardcore german press have to say; those who were smug in their judgement of this low, this indie film?

   Simply put, my friends, you will all respond with a resounding "voooow".


   And that is what the first few scenes of the Donny Files should appear like---but please note it is subject to change (I know how dedicated you all are). 
   The Donny Files will be a look into two teenagers of a small tourist town, Osoyoos, and their struggle to cope with an ever-increasing addiction to Halo and Slurpees, their boredom, and the ongoing fight with their alter-egos Curly (Adam's) and Donny (Cameron's).  Thrown in between is dating interviews, interviews with friends and family, stupid stunts and holsome violence (a la backyard wrestling).

     Already, early screenings have been taken in with utmost reverency and enthusiasm.  Which, considering the movie has only a few scenes taped, is quite a feat. 

   Ebert, of Ebert and Roper, had this to say: "Bruce Willis makes a triumphant return in the sequal to the action-thriller Die Hard"
and "...never before has Chuck Norris looked so youthful!".
   No set date has been given, but much speculation has been given, pointing to a mid-to-late spring release. 

    And the world stands still...